Being lonely on Valentine’s day.
I love people. I have seen a lot of faces, been touched by a lot of souls and experienced and contemplated life and it’s mysteries with many beautiful people for longer and shorter times. Although I mostly feel fine while traveling through time and space like this I also often find myself lost.
There’s a conflict between my tendency to connect with lots of people on the one side, and on the other side the desire to connect very deeply with just one. That makes me feel both very grateful as very lonely on Valentine’s day.
That is however neither for lack of friends nor things to enjoy. The reason I feel displaced sometimes is because I never found solid ground, somewhere I can strike roots, a place where I can find true peace and a place I can really call home.
Maybe it’s time for a new kind of Beginning. Finding love, building a home, letting go of restlessness and chaos and embrace peace and settle down.
Before Anything there was Chaos
Recently I had a tattoo placed on my right arm. It’s the Hebrew letter ‘B’. It’s pronounced as Bet and as such it can mean tent, home or temple It’s the first letter in the Hebrew alphabet (Aleph-Beth) with a sound. Being the first letter of Genesis (beginnings) it starts one of the greatest stories ever told.
It doesn’t really matter here what actually happened in ancient history. But when you compare the Jewish story of creation in Genesis with the Greek origin story of the gods in the Iliad you will find they both start in a similar place: Chaos.
No space to live, no hope, no light, no companionship and no connection. And not even an indication that tells you that all of this is just temporary, because there was not even a sense of time. Yet.
Before anything there was chaos. But for some inexplicable reason that chaos turns out to be neither fatal as final. The seemingly all present and everlasting state of despair and desolation ends… With Beginning.
Bet, symbolizing ‘home’ and ‘connection’
The letter Bet is very versatile. In Hebrew, the letter has a meaning as a word that translates as house, home or temple). It’s shape looks like a tent that (since Hebrew reads from right to left has its back towards the cold winds of chaos and it’s opening to a future that’s both bright and exciting. It also has numerical value of two, reminding me I am not alone.
So, not only symbolizes the letter Bet the moment when chaos turns into a livable space, it also symbolizes duality and connection. That new beginning is the moment that not only balances out or compensates the chaos of the past but makes it irrelevant.
The Bet reminds me to be accepting of what is out of my control, grateful for who I am and what I have right now. And expectant and open for the things to come.
The hope and promise there is also a new beginning helps me to keep carrying on.
Moving towards the moment I will finally find myself…
The tattoo was redesigned and applied by my good friend Jamie.